couturierer:

if i ever got sentenced to house arrest i’d just laugh at the judge

sharonosbourne:

paulbearer:

there are people who think kit kats taste good

yeah they’re called smart people

ieatgokudera:

EYELASHES YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO PREVENT SHIT FROM FALLING IN MY EYE BUT WHEN YOU FALL IN MY EYE THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO YOU WERE MY LAST LINE OF DEFENSE AND YOU BETRAYED ME

captainmjolnir:

I’ve never understood the stereotype that women are more likely to faint at blood

I mean seriously

what do you think we do every month

all1sees:

They’re BLUE.

but mashed, they’re PURPLE??

AND WHEN SKINNED, WE SEE THE INSIDES ARE GREEN?????

WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK, BLUEBERRIES?!

ikenbot:

my kind of woman

whiskey-memories:

bras are so expensive like i didn’t choose the boob life the boob life chose me

turtlechampion:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

calm down satan

fancifullauren:

irishfangirlshipper:

dorkstrider:

why do women’s clothing designers believe that girls do not need pockets

It’s so they can sell us bags

alrights:

alrights:

alrights:

help im broke i spent all my money on coffee

jk i have 5 more dollars just enough for another coffee

help im broke i spent all my money on coffee